Bridle your passions

Tucked away in my dresser drawer lies the proof of one of my greatest life accomplishments, as of yet. My accomplishment, isn't shiny gold medals and trophies, that came from grueling work-outs. These medals represent something so much bigger. And, it is not the incredible feeling I had while reaching a finish line as first female, with hundreds of people following after me. It is not the time I was chosen to race in a Dallas 8k Invitational, representing Run On , and checked into the race, at a desk, with a big sign that read " Local Elite Runners. " It's not the time I won Third over-all female, at the Cow Town Marathon production (5k ), and they took me into a tent to interview me with the other top two females, and I stood in a room filled with college racers, I being the only non-college runner, and told them I had only been running for one-year of my life. My accomplishment is that I can put these medals away in my drawer, and I have learned to do something so incredibly hard for me to do, that is that I have learned to bridle my passions. I have learned that as tempting as it is to feel the praise from the world, I have such a magnificent opportunity to put my priorities in a place that holds so much more importance, and that place is with in the walls of my own home. Even with such a great talent that I have for running, and as exciting as it has been to find this talent later in life, the effort it took to get all of those medals, took a tole on my family. I raced almost every weekend, I ran 45 miles a week. Twice a week on the track with a coach, and team. Although, we still did many fun things as a family during this time, there were so many times that a work-out, race, or just plain being exhausted made our times not as enjoyable as they could have been otherwise. There isn't quite anything that gives you an ego boost, like winning at something that you hardly put any effort into. I think the racing made me feel invincible in a way that was too much for my own good. I became de-sensitized to what the other people were feeling around me because I was too busy indulging in my obsession.

My first race I ever ran was a 5 miler. Kevin and I stayed up until 2am that night watching Smallville. I wasn't worried about not getting any sleep. I approached the race scene for the first time, and I could describe the feeling, like one of my breath being taken away, by the excitement. My heart fluttered like, a little girl having her first crush. I didn't have even have a watch, to watch my time. Kevin told me to take my cell phone, so I did. He called me the entire race! By the end of the race I was known as the girl who took out and gunned it way too fast, and the girl who was talking on the phone, while running in a race. Eventually I quit answering the phone, but it kept on ringing the whole time. I placed first in my age group. By my second race, I won $100 dollar gift certificate to the shoe store Run On, and that is where they met me, saw I had won, and said, " This was your second race? That was a crazy hard course, you need to meet someone." My third race, it was pouring down rain. Kevin kept saying, they probably canceled the race and insisted we turn around because the thunder and lightening was dangerous. But, I refused. We got the race, and I took Brooke in my arms as he parked the car. The race officials said, " Are you planning to run with your baby?" I said my husband is parking the car. They tied my race chip on my foot and I handed Brooke to Kevin at the starting line, just as the gun went off.

I am ready to re-enter the racing world. This time with more wisdom. This time I know how to bridle my passion. I will be running for myself, not representing a shoe store, with a team. This time I will be running with friends. I wont have commitments with a team. I will miss a work-out if I am starting to get injured, or over-exhausted. The love I have for running, is undeniable. The passion, is strong, but the passion is bridled.

I am training for a half-marathon with friends that will take place on Oct.22nd. Last night Kevin came out to the track with me for a two-mile time trial. It was 102 degrees. I finished my first mile in 6:48 and my final time was 13:51.

My fastest personal best 5k time is 20:32. The last half marathon I ran, I did 7:45 min. miles all the way, and finished in 1:45 min. If I don't beat my time, this October, life goes on. When my kids are not so young, and if my health permits, I will beat all my records, someday. If I don't get to it, the feeling I have now, for making the best choice for my family, doesn't even compare to the high of winning a race.